I must be too annoying 4 u.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
