I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
