I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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