May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
