Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
