I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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