...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
what day is it and did you see me today?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
