Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize