she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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