I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
