I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
