I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
