Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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