is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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