What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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