I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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