Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
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