I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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