I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Alive.
So much puke
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
