What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize