but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
