So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
