Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
