Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
