He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
sarcasm needs its own font
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize