my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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