Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
