How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
