oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
