.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
