Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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