things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
