thus making me awesome and them whores
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
