So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There r osticjed everywhere
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
