I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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