The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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