And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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