hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
