The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
