Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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