idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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