I'm eating all of the evidence.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
