i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
