I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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