Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
