Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
