Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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