Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize