I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
