i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize