It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
