K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize