I puked a lego.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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