There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
