listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
