I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
