If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
