if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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