party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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