I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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