THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
All I want is dick and wine.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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